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Children
in the U.S. have never experienced an attack on the United
States as a reality. Never have our children experienced
anything like the events that began Tuesday morning with planes
crashing into the World Trade Center.
All children need the
support of caring adults to help them deal with this national
crisis.
Emotional responses
vary in nature and severity from child to child. Nonetheless,
there are some common ways in how children (and adults) feel
when their lives are impacted by acts of terrorism.
Fear:
Fear may be the main reaction - fear for the safety of you and
your family as well as those involved. A child’s picture of
terrorism may include a bomb dropped on their home. Their
worries may seem unreasonable, but to them, they are quite
possible. Children will hear rumors at school and may let their
imaginations run wild. They may think the worst, however
unrealistic it may be. The threat of further terrorism or war
may also add to their fear. Other fears may be experienced as a
result of media coverage (radio, television, newspapers). Fears
or concerns may be about friends or relatives in the immediate
vicinity of the terrorism.
Loss of control:
Terrorist actions are something over which children - and most
adults - have no control. Lack of control can be overwhelming
and confusing. Children may grasp at any control which they can
have.
Anger:
Anger is not an unusual reaction. Unfortunately, anger is often
expressed to those with whom children are most secure. Children
may be angry at people in other countries for their acts of
terrorism. Children should be allowed to express their feelings
during this time.
Loss of stability:
Terrorism interrupts the natural order of things. It is very
unsettling. Stability is gone, and this is very threatening. It
can destroy trust and upset balance and a sense of security.
Uncertainty:
Children who have relatives or friends living in New York or
Washington will be concerned that they do not know if their
loved ones are safe. The lack of information over the next
several days will only increase the uncertainty. If a child has
suffered other losses or traumatic events, memories of those
events may surface.
Acknowledge your
children’s feelings.
Knowing what to say is
often difficult. When no other words come to mind, a hug and
saying, "This is really hard for you/us" may help.
Try to recognize the
feelings underlying your children’s actions and put them into
words. Say something like, "I can see you are feeling
really scared about this."
Recognize that your
child may be fearful for his/her immediate safety. Reassure your
child that the government, the military, and other adults are
taking actions to ensure our safety.
Sometimes children may
have an overwhelming fear that they are unable to put into words
which you may need to voice for them. For instance, if a parent
is away, children may wonder what will become of them if the
parent does not return. Try saying, "You never have to
worry because we/you will be well taken care of. You won’t be
alone. Let me tell you our plan…"
At times when your
children are most upset, don’t deny the seriousness of the
situation. Saying to children, "Don’t cry, everything
will be okay," does not reflect how the child feels and
does not make them feel better. Nevertheless, don’t forget to
express hope and faith that things will be alright.
Older children in
particular may need help identifying what they individually
believe about war and terrorism. Questions such as "How
could anyone do something like this?" may need discussion.
Help your children
put their fears in perspective.
Help children to feel
personally safe.
Discuss what is
realistic modern technology versus science fiction.
Help children
understand that precautions are being taken to prevent terrorism
(e.g., bomb sniffing dogs, passport checks, heightened airport
security) which might actually make them safer now than they
usually are.
Try to maintain normal
routines to provide a sense of stability and security.
Help children to feel
a sense of control by taking some action.
Send letters, cookies
or magazines through relief agencies to those who have been
impacted.
If a family member
gets called away, make plans for some special activities:
Gathering with other
families who are also missing a loved one helps provide support
for you as well as for your children.
Special parent and
child time can provide an extra sense of security which might be
badly needed. Let your child know that you will set aside a
particular half-hour each day to play. Make the time as pleasant
and child-centered as possible. Return phone calls later and
make your child the real focus of that special time.
Involve children in
planning how to cope. Control and ownership are fostered when
children help to plan strategies for dealing with a situation.
Prepare for
difficulties with children at night.
Maintain regular
bedtime routines such as storytime to provide a sense of
security. Special stuffed animals or blankets may be especially
important right now.
Sit near your child
until he/she falls asleep for a few nights. Gradually withdraw
this support by checking back in two minutes and continuing to
lengthen this time until your child feels secure again.
A light may be needed
in or near your child’s room.
Siblings may want to
sleep in the same room until they feel more secure again.
Don’t let your
children focus too much of their time and energy on news
coverage of the terrorist attacks. If children are choosing to
watch CNN News for hours each evening, find other activities for
them. You may also need to watch the news less intensely and
spend more time in alternative family activities.
Use outside support
services if your child has a severe reaction. Your school
counselor, school social worker, or school psychologist can
assist or provide names of other professionals trained to deal
with children. Religious and community organizations and mental
health providers are possible resources.
Take time for yourself
and try to deal with your own reactions to the situation as
fully as possible. This, too, will help your children.
Always be honest with
your child and do not be afraid to talk to others about your
fears and concerns. |
